News You Can Use
12-31-98 1:40 pm est: I wanted tomato soup for lunch but I settled for some type of mushroom concoction.
12-31-98 10:50 am est: Two days, ten Dr. Pepper cans, and one Xeno should yield something but I can't figure out what. There isn't enough Dr.Pepper to yield a massive site update so what, I ask you my friends, will come of this situation?
12-31-98 1:26 am est: In continuing the tale of today's exploits I went into Office Max for shopping purposes. Now normally I spend a good half hour strolling through the glory and admiring all of the pretty merchandise before plunking down my hard earned cash. Today was different, I do not know what was going on. I spent no more than five minutes inside that Office Max. I didn't even try out one of those nice leather chairs.
12-31-98 1:25 am est: I went into a cd store today and was sorely saddened. From the outside it looked like one of those little ones where you'd expect to find some interesting and rare music but once I got inside I saw that all they had was basically Top 40 nonsense. They also had vinyl so I guess that made them "special". I still say that if you're a small music store you better have bootlegs and indie bands. Oh yeah, and no rap because you're not going to sell that garbage to me.
12-30-98 8:29 pm est: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a great film. I bought the dvd today on a suggestion from Us because he enjoyed the film quite a bit. I like the scene in the bar with all the reptiles. I also enjoyed when the cop attempted to pull the guy whose name I have forgotten over. That made me laugh.
12-30-98 11:04 am est: Cars are such a chore to obtain. I truly wish we lived in a world of kind and unselfish people who could live with me in a communal society. Their cars would be my cars. Likewise, they could borrow my socks if need be.
12-29-98 11:10 pm est: I know I wear underwear. Hence the term "underwear". If I didn't wear underwear it would be called "undernowear".
12-29-98 7:52 pm est: Erica said, "To take things out on others, when it's not their fault, is heaven."
12-29-98 1:39 pm est: I hate having to plan things out. I prefer to just do stuff without having to think about fitting it into a schedule. It's so bothersome.
12-29-98 11:47 am est: There sure are some evil people out there. As a father figure for the entire lot of you I say this, Be careful. And make sure to floss.
12-29-98 9:00 am est: Whoa, it's Tuesday. It doesn't feel like a Tuesday.
12-29-98 1:33 am est: Americans have been bred on TV but they still can't seem to obtain the manners of Claire Huxtable.
12-28-98 9:42 pm est: When I am rich and famous I won't remember your name. I probably won't even take your calls if you did happen to track me down. But right now I am still humble and such so why don't we go get some coffee and perhaps an eggroll?
12-28-98 6:32 pm est: The dirt mall is quite an interesting place. It doesn't have anything in it that is of any value but together and situated where it is the dirt mall becomes a special place. The atmosphere is why we go. I enjoy looking at the dirt people milling about in their lives. Sometimes they take a break from their busy schedules and grab something to eat at Micheal's Dirt Court. Other times they feel in the mood for sport and so they drop into the Dirtcade. From time to time they enjoy looking at books in the book store but they soon realize they are dirt people and cannot read.
12-28-98 2:00 pm est: If you were a trout, what kind of trout would you be?
12-27-98 11:49 pm est: You know the little pull chord on a package of life savers? You pull on this and it opens the package in a wonderfully ordered manner. That's like a metaphor for communism.
12-27-98 7:52 pm est: It feels a bit later than it is right now. I didn't do very much today. I played some video games and whatnot. My vacation is winding down now and I'll soon be heading back to the mill.
12-27-98 6:45 pm est: Why is everything compared to chicken? Frog tastes like chicken. Tuna is called chicken of the sea. Dog food says on the can that it has real chicken flavor. (We all really know that translates to: horse tastes like chicken.) Does anything not taste like chicken? This could very well be a conspiracy.
12-27-98 11:32 am est: Each morning greet the day with a smile so large that the day is temporarily intrigued by your abnormally large smile so as to not notice the knife resting in your hand. There's some words of wisdom.
12-27-98 8:45 am est: Ha Ha. Fooled you. Yeah, I'm really going to be awake at 8:45. Use your head. Honestly, some times I really wonder about people.
12-27-98 2:32 am est: Huh? What was going on with Me at 2:31?
12-27-98 2:31 am est: Hey, it's Sunday. You know what that means! It's time to roll the old people over for the week! this is such a fun and exciting day. Everything seems to come alive after that first flip as the stark whiteness of a week's work of darkness shines.
12-26-98 11:27 pm est: People from the south are way too supportive of their grits.
12-26-98 6:42 pm est: I remember back when I was 12 or so I guess I had some grits. They were really rather awful. I didn't even finish them. Grits are bad but cream of wheat is good. But cream of wheat is only good about once every two or three years. Any more than that is just plain overkill and you will ruin it. That's a good point, I will buy some cream of wheat tomorrow. I will also spend some money on expensive stuff I don't need. Do you know why? Because I can. I don't have a chain attaching me to any evil creature that steals all my money.
12-26-98 3:34 pm est: I'm so tired. I need a dose of adrenalin in the heart like Uma got in that movie. That was funny. I laughed.
12-26-98 12:26 am est: For those of you who are new to the Xeno Xone, all names are fictional for the most part. This is said so that everyone understands I don't actually know the real Winona Ryder. I do enjoy her work though. And the person who I chose to play the role of Winona doesn't truly deserve it but it's already been done.
12-25-98 11:45 pm est: Winona Ryder sent me an e-mail. Sometimes she just acts so childish. I didn't respond to her e-mail. I'm trying to determine what kind of response I should send that will solicit the most hurt feelings which always lead to tears. I like to make Winona cry.
12-25-98 7:22 pm est: I'm not getting much e-mail lately. There's none here right now.
12-25-98 3:45 pm est: I miss that television show called Mr. Wizard. That guy ruled. There's nothing good left on tv. The one bad thing I have to say about Mr. Wizard is that there was some really strange things going on underneath the surface. I once saw an episode where the Wizard had some kid blow as much air as he could into some kind of measuring device. I think you hear me knocking.
12-25-98 11:24 am est: My feet are fairly warm right now. That's nice. I enjoy having warm feet. Why is styrofoam white? I'd like to see some green or blue styrofoam. Did I spell that correctly? I don't know. In other news, I woke up today. Under normal conditions I listen to the Art Bell radio program from one to five weekday mornings but last night it was not on. This is no fun. I didn't get to listen to the crackpots call in and talk about the time the aliens abducted them and Billy Bob. (Really, what kind of people do you expect to be calling a radio program at 3 a.m.?)
12-25-98 1:31 am est: I just found a funny quote courtesy of Sascha Konietzko of KMFDM fame. On the subject of the MTV darlings Rammstein, "Rammstein is a one-hit-wonder and disposable toy for the reactionary forces of the music industry... they chose to sell out." Doesn't that just make you laugh?
12-25-98 12:35 am est: I've got a piece of paper on the ground next to me with a few plans scribbled on them in no particular order. I believe my sleepy-self expected the awakened-self to make some sense of this and convert it into a short of some kind. Right now the hungry-self is at the computer so there's no room between this candy and this orange for an update.
12-24-98 11:57 pm est: Ah, Americana, that slice of apple pie with the tiniest hint of mold
12-24-98 9:04 pm est: I need to start building robots that are copies of myself. With my robot army I will have them infiltrate society by getting high ranking positions in government and industry. Eventually I will rule with my robotic army. You're either with me or robot food.
12-24-98 5:57 pm est: Today I beat Winona Ryder at a video game. It was a football game. In the fourth quarter after I had just scored another rushing touchdown Winona became upset and hit the power button with over a minute left. That's rather bothersome. I had a little bit more time to really run the score up and rub her face in it. But she's a chick, they can't play video games, right? (Ha ha).
12-24-98 3:22 am est: Ah, musings of the late night, there's nothing grander.
12-24-98 1:57 am est: I'll tell you what this country needs. First of all we need to grab those long-haired hippies and give them a broom. If they're going to protest my war they better be prepared to do some cleaning. Things will all be better when I become Big Brother. I know what's best for you all.
12-24-98 12:28 am est: Does anyone remember those California Raisins from the 80's fondly?
12-23-98 11:50 pm est: Are you familiar with these pens that you twist the caps in order to get the point to come out or to go in. I don't like these one bit. The cap stays attached to the top of the pen and thus the pen still has a sharp end even if the sharp end isn't writing on anything. It can poke.
12-23-98 9:31 pm est: I'm writing out something which may or may not be found whimsical by a good number of people. It might turn out to be humor only I can see.
12-23-98 4:08 pm est: If I see another stupid Night Before Christmas parody I am going to burn something down. Hang on, I just heard someone at the door. Wait, this isn't a conversation. I must go check the door now.
12-23-98 1:38 am est: Bill Clinton should not be approved of by the American people. He is akin to the greaseballs on Melrose Place that everyone hates. (I've never actually watched Melrose Place but I think I can make this comparison and be accurate). Bill Clinton is a lying scumbag with an ego problem. The First Lady, hereby named The First Doormat, is not a powerful woman. She is weak and spineless. The First Doormat is Mary Tyler Moore during the Dick Van Dyke years. (Once Mary got out on her own she was much more likeable).
12-23-98 12:12 am est: This evening I saw a music video where Jennifer Love Hewitt was attempting to sing. This was very disturbing. I don't think that mediocre tv stars should ever try to sing but if they must record some horrible tracks they should not subject the public to their 'art'. (I use the term loosely). Because of their pseudofame the suits will always choose to give a famous person some forum to be displayed on. It is the responsibility of the famous in our society to realize that they are most likely talentless. Jennifer Love Hewitt gets jobs because she is good looking and she knows people in the industry. She is far from Robert DeNiro. Once these people realize this fact they will realize they lack talent in other areas of entertainment including singing. I will come down off my soapbox now.
12-22-98 9:43 pm est: I've decided I should promote this little quiz type thing because it's all about me and does indeed function as a time waster for a bit. It was also made by Mocmo and I figure I should promote him a little bit. Go play Xeno Trivia.
12-22-98 9:13 pm est: Fire is fun to play with.
12-22-98 2:32 pm est: What are "mad props"?
12-22-98 2:30 pm est: Today I got a birthday present in the mail from Nola. It was very nice and had the most lovely wrapping paper on it. It also said "to the Overlord of Suffering" which I found amusing. 'Mad props yo.'
12-21-98 1:44 pm est: I bought my mother a Santa Claus figurine or something. It doesn't appear to be all that wonderful on the outside but it cost forty bucks so there must be something special about it, right?
12-21-98 1:08 pm est: I've got some mail to send. I must take a ride to the post office and get some stamps. I don't like the post office all that much. The UPS truck just drove by my window. I wonder what that guy is doing.
12-21-98 11:20 am est: Just finished adding a new short called The Darkness. It's not much but it's something to occupy a few moments of the day and perhaps cause a nervous laugh.
12-20-98 11:49 pm est: I just saw an interview on the Howard Stern show with Courtney Love and I do believe my opinion of her might be changing. I don't really consider her to be a total idiot without talent anymore. She still has her faults but she's not all that bad.
12-20-98 9:24 pm est: Mike has produced another midi file for the world to relish. You know what I really like, honey mustard on a hot dog. I mean, if you've got to eat the sawdust and leftovers from a pig you might as well have some tasty honey mustard with it. Anyway, you can download another quality midi here. Mike had this to say about it, "I just wrote this one today, it's playful and it uses violin, cello, piano, and a musicbox."
12-20-98 8:09 pm est: If I was a key on the keyboard I would be the backslash.
12-20-98 4:59 pm est: Travis bought me a very nice Bob DeNiro t-shirt for my birthday. I rather like it. I lost to him in air hockey yesterday. After that I played a game against Austin. At one point the puck flew off the table and went about ten feet to the northeast. Some random person in the mall picked it up for me.
12-19-98 2:17 am est: Happy Birthday to Me.
12-18-98 11:48 pm est: My birthday occurs in 12 minutes. I've already gotten the new Zelda game made by Nintendo. I've been playing that since the sun was still up. Nintendo is evil, yes, but every Zelda game ever made is a masterpiece. This new game is art. It's just a wonderful video game. Although, we won't examine the ratio of loser to winner in me based on the fact that I still play video games.
12-18-98 1:34 pm est: Tomorrow is my birthday but I've already received some of my birthday presents. Eileen bought me the Head Like a Hole maxi-single. Anna bought me whitechocolatespaceegg on vinyl. I bought myself the What's Up Matador compilation. We'll continue to keep you updated as information comes in.
12-18-98 11:55 am est: Why can I never wake up before eleven even when I get to sleep by two?
12-17-98 10:32 pm est: People just try to avoid the unavoidable. In other news I was watching one of those hospital shows tonight and some lady stole one of the doctor's gloves. Then the doctor was having coffee with the very same lady! I was screaming at the television, "Look! She's got your damn gloves!!! Put her to the ground!!". But he didn't.
12-17-98 2:12 pm est: To the right of me about three feet sits an empty Coca-Cola can. It's some kind of special holiday can because it's got a picture of a fat guy on it. But in the upper right this can also says "1998 edition". I do believe they're trying to stir up some kind of collection fever. Do people actually save empty soda cans? What kind of loser collects Coca-Cola memorabila? And how much further into loserdom do you have to sink to save the cans???
12-17-98 11:56 am est: There is snow on the ground. I just noticed this. I don't know how long it has been there but it's there now. I really do need to add a new rant or something. I've been thinking about a number of them. One is already half-penned and the other is all written out in my head. Where's my energy? Where's my motivation? Where's my check?
12-17-98 1:14 am est: I'm always trying to be nice to as many people as possible but sometimes they just do something foolish and it's my obligation to tell them. That's not so wrong.
12-16-98 11:25 pm est: And once again I must reiterate that the less you expect out of people the happier you'll be. Sometimes we just expect basic competance and are rewarded with much less than that. If we go into the evening expecting stupidity and games and get just that then the news is easier to swallow.
12-16-98 6:23 pm est: People in glass houses shouldn't watch television in the nude.
12-16-98 11:51 am est: I'd just like to take this chance to publicly praise myself for being such a wonderful human being. May you and your's have a moment in time when you know such greatness that courses through my body always.
12-16-98 3:24 am est: You ever notice how on the news the newscasters always say that "he and his wife had" a second daughter yesterday? That's not very accurate. 'She' delivered the thing and went through all the drugs. 'He' just stood there looking dopey.
12-15-98 11:38 pm est: "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever."
12-15-98 7:05 pm est: I just remembered that today I received a Christmas present from Eileen. Lindsay would like everyone to know that short people with facial hair suck. She also doesn't enjoy redheaded males. I am not sure if this is newsworthy for the Xeno Xone but I was bought.
12-15-98 5:49 pm est: I received this in my e-mail from Us, "Hey! I work at a desk and punch away at a computer every day. It's very hard, and my computer is only a 166. You can't tell me that's easier than lifting heavy objects or standing in direct sunlight for 9+ hours. I demand that you post a public apology in the news to Me, Us". I believe Us has singlehandedly made my point better than I could in an entire paper on the subject.
12-15-98 1:21 pm est: Capitalism is all about making the poorest class work the hardest. Some little doctor's girl tried to tell me today that her daddy works very hard for his money. (And I bet she works real hard in order to spend it but that's beside the point.) Someone working for minimum wage moving some heavy material is working much harder than some office drone punching away at a computer. Silly kids ought to read The Communist Manifesto and try to understand a little about economics before coming at me with stupidity. Oh, Lanie wanted me to mention that she is cool.
12-15-98 11:26 am est: This morning I woke up and dozed through the radio programs but secretly I wanted very badly for coffee or a carbonated beverage. In my sleep-coated vision I spotted a can but alas it was empty. Another case of Xeno being toyed with by his own cruel tricks the night before.
12-15-98 3:21 am est: I've just realized that the last two bits of news are commands telling everyone what not to do. What kind of help is that? I really should make a point of telling everyone what to do. Let's start by going over the proper donation to make to the Xeno Xone. Now I understand that you all enjoy the Xeno Xone very much and so a sizeable donation is required. As a rule, don't give anything under one hundred dollars. The book work wouldn't be worth it for anything smaller. Thanks.
12-14-98 11:47 pm est: I say, never waste bullets on the hostages. I mean...unless there's a surplus. If there's a surplus it's your duty as a capitalist to use 'em.
12-14-98 9:24 pm est: Never loan a bicycle to a fish because you never know when they'll return it or what exactly they plan on doing with it. Why would that fish need my bike anyway?
12-14-98 2:58 pm est: I posed a question to myself which I enjoyed the answer to. You see, I asked myself if I really liked the band Rammstein. It's true that they employ fire in their stage show, which is fun, but I am interested in how much I actually enjoy the music. To this I answered that Rammstein is to KMFDM what Gravity Kills is to Nine Inch Nails. You see, Rammstein and Gravity Kills are nice imitations but they lack the authenticity and creativity of the original. In the case of Gravity Kills (and Stabbing Westward) this isn't a bad thing since there hasn't been new NIN material for far too long. But Rammstein really isn't needed. KMFDM had two 'new' albums come out on November 17th and they've also got one coming out next year titled "Adios". There is plenty of KMFDM and therefore imposters are not needed. Thank you.
12-13-98 11:31 pm est: I've not done much this evening except waste time and talk to people. I did have a little bit of garlic bread and numerous cans of carbonated beverage. My 'warning level' has also dropped down to 3% so apparently I am not angering the right people. I need a refill. Where's my spark? I'm still waiting.
12-13-98 8:07 pm est: There's a fly buzzing someplace.
12-13-98 4:56 pm est: If all goes as planned I'll write a rant sometime tonight. Things would move along more quickly if there was a light on in my room because it makes it a bit more difficult for me to doze while talking to people. Just the same, I can usually sleep through the majority of conversations in day to day life that I am not actively involved in. If I so choose I can make conversations very interesting but others lack this ability. Well, most people lack this ability, some conversations intrigue me.
12-13-98 1:44 pm est: I really like Winona Ryder. I don't know if it is very healthy. Although I haven't seen all of Ms. Ryder's films I have seen a number. I try to avoid the chick flicks like that one about quilting and the tiny women one. 'Reality Bites' was a terribly annoying movie with it's trendy little messages and such but Winona's acting was superb. I also need to make myself breakfast or lunch soon. Perhaps we'll just wait around till dinner.
12-13-98 1:11 pm est: Well during my coma yesterday it appears I did some sleep-shopping for that wonderful holiday we call Christmas. Now I am sitting here looking at the contents of my day. I have one copy of the movie 'Heathers' for myself and a movie stub from the new Star Trek film. I like to kick things off with some presents for myself.
12-12-98 11:03 pm est: You'll have to excuse the lack of updating to the news page but I've been in a coma since my last update of the news page. These things happen from time to time you know and sometimes can't be avoided. I promise you that in the future if I can plan around my comas and have someone update the page for me in my abscence I certainly will. Oh, I've still got a slight headache. Perhaps it is an after effect of the coma.
12-11-98 4:32 pm est: My birthday present from Eileen arrived. Thanks Eileen!
12-11-98 2:07 pm est: I play my belly drum.
12-11-98 12:38 pm est: Not much stirring on the Xeno front. There's a cat sitting on my bed. There's a snowflake in the sky. I also bought chapstick yesterday. I might go to Vermont this weekend for those of you who are planning that assassination.
12-11-98 1:24 am est: From time to time I lose my grip on the large looming cliff that is reality and drift off into a much different place. It's okay for me to reside there for awhile but I should always come back, you know, for dessert.
12-10-98 9:32 pm est: What's the deal with those people collecting money for the Salvation Army? Sure, the Salvation Army is a lovely cause and we all like to give money to them but are the bells really needed? They're standing right in front of the entrance to all the buildings this time of year. I'm not going to miss them and I really don't need the headache. Oh, another thing, get some quality bell ringers if you must have bells ring. I passed some real illiterate inbred bell ringers today and I did not donate money. (Of course I don't believe in charity anyway.)
12-10-98 7:22 pm est I went and got some coffee today and this waitress had the voice of a twelve year old. She also seemed to have a slight lisp. Thus, she did not get a tip.
12-10-98 1:24 pm est: You know what, The Spice Girls aren't that bad. I like them. Except the ugly one, she knows who she is.
12-10-98 1:11 pm est: I am now listening to the goodness that is Liz Phair. I just took "Out of Time" off of the Higher Learning soundtrack and placed it on my computer as an Mp3 file. This proves something that Newsweek doesn't want to believe. Mp3's aren't all about getting music without having to pay incredibly bad prices for compact discs. I already own the Higher Learning soundtrack but I do not like any of the other tracks on that particular cd. Now that Liz's song is on my computer I can enjoy all the glory that is Ms. Phair without having to constantly shuffle through...*gasp*...rap.
12-10-98 4:22 am est: I'm going to sleep now. I don't have any thoughts at this hour.
12-10-98 1:47 am est: I've got a slight headache going on right now. Why do the aliens always abducte the lowest quality people? I understand that the aliens don't want to create too much trouble and so they pick people who won't be missed but I really think that their studies are not going to be accurate if they don't take a wider range of samples. Stupid aliens...
12-9-98 8:52 pm est: I just ate some microwave pizza. When I took it out of the microwave and it was bubbling I said to myself, "Your cancer is ready, please pick up". But you know what? I still ate it and it didn't even taste that great. Why am I willing to die for this food? I'll tell you, it's quick and simple. It's quite all-American.
12-9-98 3:44 pm est: I recorded a wav and placed it here.
12-9-98 2:54 pm est: I just got back from having my hair cut. I'm so beautiful. Don't be jealous, you've probably got your own special quality to you. Me, I'm good at sitting around and looking flawless.
12-9-98 12:24 pm est: Today has been fairly uneventful thus far. I made a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch which was quite pleasing. I think I shall go get my hair cut today. That will be good. If I do anything else I'll be surprised. Maybe I'll take a walk as well.
12-9-98 1:47 am est: Well I just wrapped up watching the movie "The Last Supper" with Cameron Diaz and some other people. It had a cameo by George from Seinfeld. The movie was pretty good. When a group of graduate students, accidentally kill a racist dinner guest, the idea of methodical elimination begins to take over their thought process. Soon, the group is hosting a series of Sunday evening meals for a wide-selection of intolerant guests who find themselves falling prey to a poison as deadly as their own hatred. The ending was incredibly predictable but somewhat appropriate.
12-8-98 11:09 pm est: My feet just scared me. I switched my computer into 640 x 480 viewing mode for just a moment. I minimized a window and I was greeted by the sight of my feet. They serve as my background. My face was far too close to the screen for this greeting of my feet in a larger size than I am accustomed to.
12-8-98 8:57 pm est: I decided that I wanted to post a little news at this time but nothing is really going on right now. I'm sitting around chatting with a few people and listening to Liz Phair. Anna just ordered me a present for my birthday which is coming up on December 19th. Anna is a wonderful person and everyone should try to be more like her.
12-8-98 7:00 pm est: A friend of mine sent me a midi file he made. You can download it here. It's rather good. Here's what he had to say about the conception of this music; "This is a three part classical arabian piece. Now think of this while you listen: First part, this guy sees/meets this girl and she is beautiful to him and he is happy anytime that he sees her. second part: he finally gets the nerve to talk to her and they hook-up, she is everything he wanted and more. Third-part, he loves her so much it hurts, and he isn't feeling the love in return. They break up and he kills her after giving her a second chance." You can comment on it by e-mailing Mike
12-8-98 4:25 pm est: I was just watching Oprah. Peter Jennings was on and made me think a little. The housewives of America follow Oprah with such devotion that I can't help but see a Hitleresque character inside Oprah. Think about this, Oprah forces people to own books that they have never read as well. Hitler had Mein Kampf, Oprah has her Book of the Month.
12-8-98 11:00 am est: I got out of bed and began work on this news section of the Xeno Xone. I became frustrated when nothing seemed to tickle my fancy but eventually was pleased with the outcome.
12-8-98 5:00 am est: I woke up this morning to the sound of static from my radio. Groggily I took a sip of some pepsi and attempted to improve reception by moving the white wire. I failed but pretended I didn't by humming along to the static.